As I wrote yesterday my increasing lameness has been building into a bit of a backlash and I felt that today would mark a change. Part of my fed upness has been over how badly I sleep. I struggle to go to bed at night, always finding something to distract me, yet once I do get to sleep there's nothing more I want to do and it takes extreme effort to get me up (I set 2 alarms for an hour earlier than I need to get up (I then spend that hour hitting 'snooze' every five minutes) obsessively checking them at least half a dozen times before I sleep) What I want to do now is get up at a reasonable time every day and use the extra time productively. Today started well, I was off and Rebecca was starting her first day at work, I woke early so I could see her before she left, but an hour later I was in bed with a cup of coffee. No idea why I did this, if you lie in bed then you'll probably fall asleep and I'm at my most tired when I've just woken up, in other words it was a recipe for disaster and I knew it.
I've atempted to claw back the day and to some degree I've been successful, I've written 500 words on my latest story, done the washing up, I've started my excersizes in the middle of this post (you can probably hear the grunting if you listen carefully) so it's not too bad. But this is another dangerous pattern of mine, doing nothing for long stretches of time and then over compensating, it inevitably leads to me tiring out and stopping altogether. What I need is balance, I need to be able to use my time productively, and anyway sleeping is not always relaxing, relaxing should have an element of productivity to it, such as relaxing with a good book, or with the newspaper or having a relaxing stroll through a park, for me sleeping is as way of delaying something important or difficult, I do it when I'm down.
Okay, enough of this rambling, I'll do better tomorrow, promise.