Wednesday, February 23, 2005


Looking up as I neared home yesterday on my way from work I saw a goose flying away from the park. Snow was falling and the honks from the goose grew louder and then slowly more distant. I can't seem to get those honks from my head.

Monday, February 21, 2005


Just read on a website that Hunter S Thompson has killed himself. Not sure what to say about that, but it deserves a mention.
In a grand display of cheap decedance I'm lying in bed typing this, as I look out of the window the slight whisps of snow have gathered a pace. I find snow to be incredibly calming.
Further to my post about the job interview I bring you all the latest update. I got the job. This is obviously a very good thing indeed but I'm honour bound to mention two things. Firstly my prediction was way off, I didn't think I'd got the job (although I did think the interview went well, if that makes sense) Secondly, I'm really scared. It's another move, my wife needs to sort a new job out and I'm making a big leap.
My in-laws visited over the weekend, which is always interesting. Our's is a difficult relationship but Ican't help but be impressed by the changes they're both making. My own parents have found a niche and settled into it and although I'm very happy (and maybe jealous) about that there is a sense that they're just ticking off days now. They drive around and see things but they don't appear to be expanding themselves or their horizons whereas my in-laws lead a fairly fulfilling life but still want a bit more. Interestingly I'd say it was my dad who was the most work driven, certainly I don't recall him anything other than goal orientated, now he's achieved his goal (work hard until you don't have to) there's not much else. Don't get me wrong, my mam and dad aren't just sitting around watching telly waiting to die, they just don't seem to be doing anything particularly stimulating. On the other hand I could be totally wrong, I don't see them all the time.
Looks like the snow has stopped.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Trying hard not to swear

I atempted to post last night, but managed to lose it before it was finished. As it happens I think that's for the best as I'd chosen to drop my no swearing (on my blog) rule and I think that would've been a mistake. Also I saw the news today (oh boy) and something on it tied into what i was going to say yesterday.
The lost post was inspired by seeing the cover of a newspaper when I went to the local shop, J-Lo wearing fur. It saddens and sickens me that people still carry on indulging this disgusting fashion. I just can't understand such cruel unbelievable self indulgent and insensitive behaviour. It never fails to shock and anger me when I see an idiot wearing fur, even when it's talentless idiot like J-Lo grinning with her scary celebrity 'smile' (you know the kind, the inhuman looking ones that showcase surgery instead of sincerity) and proving that as well as talent she lacks sensitivity and humanity.
The other thing I needed to bring up was inspired by seeing Otis Ferry (Bryan's boy) on the news whining about the impending fox hunting ban. He'll carry on his hunting even when it's illegal. Feeling far too strongly about this to sum up all I can do is that he does illegally fox hunt, is caught, arrested, put into prison and his fellow inmates find a usuful occupation for a young man with a purdy face.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

late breaking news

Seeing as I can't sleep I might as well post up about my big day (see previous post) The interview itself went kind of okay, there was no getting away from my lack of knowledge in certain areas, gaps that are mainly a direct result of my atempting that evolutionary jump. On the other hand the things that I do know I think came across and were pretty key issues. No way of knowing how it went really and I have my suspicions but frankly I don't want to jinx myself by spilling my guts online! When I find out exactly how it went I'll spill the beans then.
But even though the interview was interesting and helpful it was still a big sucking chest wound of a day. Not because I couldn't spend valentine with rebecca (we did have the end of the evening together at least), but because of the appalling rail service. I'll be sending a strongly worded complaint tomorrow. All I had to do was get two trains, there really should be no reason why I would end up being over two and a half hours late for my interview. That's right, two and a half hours! Not the best way to make a good impression (although the manager was very understanding) and it certainly didn't put me in a good frame of mind for a very important interview.
I really can't be bothered to go into the full details of the painful train journey (it's taking all my energy to stick to my rule of not swearing on my blog), hopefully the one and a half hours speaks loudly enough.
There was at least one pleasant moment on the journey though. About ten minutes from Nottingham, it was dark, I was tired and drifting without actually needing sleep and I got that special night-time travelling feeling. Outside the train window it wasn't possible to make out the shape of the buildings but their windows warmly lit by the lights inside drifted past me offering glimses of domestic comfort that I would normally never notice being too distracted by the ugliness of the exteriors, the litter and the grubbiness.
And as the burning sensation fills my eyes and threatens to seep through to my brain I really should turn the computer off.
Good night everyone. Goodnight.

Sunday, February 13, 2005


Big day tomorrow, I've got an interview for a new job as an assistant manager in another shop. Kinda scary, not the interview (well, it's no more scary than interviews are generally) just all the possibilities it throws up. Although I am sort of worried about the interview, I am making a bit of an evolutionary jump to assistant manager which throws up the possibility of me making a complete arse of myself in the interview..... but, then, that's a possibility in any interview.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

navel gazing as a spectator sport

The sun is slowly setting (actually it's so overcast that for all I know the sun could be shrinking or fade away) signaling that it's over halfway through the day and I've done nothing. Not that i'm complaining, it's been a pleasant nothing and I've got a few things to do later.
I've been feeling a little disconnected for a while now, I'd love to know what's causing it. My guess is that it's just the slide into middle aged ennui. I'm applying for a new job and whether I get it or not it's opening up a whole can of worms and as much as I love to examine every little aspect of my life (think yourselves lucky I don't post all that crap on my blog) I'm not particularly comfortable with this can.
Walking in the park with Rebecca is fast becoming my favourite, if infrequent, past time. It was pretty quiet today which made it feel like the park ours. Magpies ducks and geese were out in force and someone had a dog that looked a lot like a wolf. Rebecca told me about her own concerns regarding her job the possiblity of moving and if she knew what she was doing with herself, which just shows how wrapped up I get in myself that I'd failed to notice that she was having the same problems I was. We shared a danish pastry at the coffee shop and I read a kid's book called Vote For Larry which is pretty good and reminded me that disconnection, disatisfaction and ennui is something everyone suffers from and it doesn't incapacitate some like it does Rebecca and I. It's funny how when you feel a certain way life seems to throw things at you that reinforce that feeling. Hopefully we'll both be able to either combat these feelings or channel them into something positive, frankly I'm sick of focusing on the negative about myself and my life.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Goin' south

Visited London this weekend and had a good time. London is not my favourite place but I do have several very lovely friends and it was nice to see them.
I managed to meet up with a lost friend which was interesting. When we left London I tried to contact this friend who managed to never be in and never call back. I was a bit confused but not terribly hurt as it was one of those easy going but not firm friendships, sad when they end but not surprising, without proximity they simple fade. On Saturday I went into the shop where my old friend works and 3 years later he was still there and little had changed. We chatted, it was easy, friendly and felt a little like traveling back in time.
That was the weekend, time to think about friends.
When we got back home the bungalow was cold and we'd left a light on. Sometimes stepping back into your home can be cosy and welcoming, sometimes they look cold and lonely. Our bungalow is nice but it's that makes it a home.