Monday, June 05, 2006

Deep melodramatic sigh

A slightly blue mood has descended on me over the last week, I’ve moped and stropped around, started reading several books, put them down, started others, gone to bed late slept in too much, tried to write, tried to draw, not been happy with the results, trawled the internet for forgotten friends and bitter enemies, updated my profile and have written over a dozen posts that I’ve not bothered posting.
Today Rebecca suggested that maybe I should ‘see someone’. Ugh. I get down sometimes but I’ve never considered myself depressed, and still don’t. Still Rebecca's concern/fed upness made me think. I don’t like this feeling, it’s self indulgent and dull, but worst of all I don’t like the idea of bringing down people around me.
There’s loads of interesting possibilities in my life, I’ve never quite understood why I’d rather regret not taking advantage of them instead of making the most of them.
Silly boy.


Nimiwey said...

nothing wrong with seeing somebody.

paulhd said...

No there isn't. I just don't consider my minor moodiness serious enough for that step, sort of the equivalent of some foppish attack of the vapours or something.

Nimiwey said...

i think most people with a 1/2 a brain need a therapist. figure it out as much as you can before you have kids.

i realized how much i needed it only after having kids.

Gopher said...

Maybe she meant have an affair!

paulhd said...

and I said no!?

Nimiwey said...

no. you can only have an affair if it's with me. and of the mental sort.

I. N. J. Culbard said...

Sounds to me like you're suffering from the side-effects of creativity. Your mind's in a state of flux, like an unsated apetite. My guess would be that you're thinking too much and you're finding it difficult to focus.

Tabula Rasa = focus

The alternatives to talking to 'someone' can be:

Cut your hair (I own clippers... the minute I start getting in a rut I shave my head... it's most liberating), do some gardening (yeah I do think about work when I garden, but, strangely, I manage to decompartmentalise when I do it.. probably because gardening is a naturally ordered process, psychologically it guides you by the hand through much of the disorder and chaos in your life) go fishing (everyone zones out when they fish) don't drink coffee or eat chocolate (for the love of god don't touch any substance that might stimulate your brain... you're only seconds away from exploding).

I. N. J. Culbard said...

Just read your 'foppish attack of the vapours' comment. Brilliant. Getting that printed on t-shirts and coffee mugs.

I call it 'stir crazy'. Or, if you've ever owned a cat, they always have what's commonly known as a 'mad half hour' when they're waiting to be fed and go on a naughty rampage, running up walls all wide eyed and crazy. I have a black cat. A bountiful source of amusement. She often makes the mistake of sitting in the sun.

As it is pets also provide excellent distraction for those that suffer from foppish attacks. I work from home. 9-5, 5 days a week, I don't see anyone and most times don't speak to anyone either. Tucked away in my padded cell making stuff up. Before the cat it was me running up walls wide eyed and crazy.

And now I have a baby boy. Excellently engaging. I don't think about anything except him, and nothing matters more and it's truly wonderful. Sort of like natures way of labotomising you.... but in a good way, not in a 'get your hands off me you dirty ape' sort of way.